


Never Giving Up On You

by vespertineflora



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky Returns, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-28
Updated: 2014-08-28
Packaged: 2018-02-15 04:07:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2215191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vespertineflora/pseuds/vespertineflora
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A few weeks after Bucky saves his life and disappears once again, Steve has only just begun his search for his friend. He feels pretty damn lucky that Bucky managed to find him first.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Giving Up On You

A warm, summer breeze whipped across Steve’s skin as soon as he opened the apartment door. The window was open and there was someone inside, he was sure instantly; his instincts kicked in, sliding his shield from where it sat comfortably against his back into its proper place in front of him as he ventured quietly into the apartment. He doubted that whoever was inside wasn’t aware of his return, but it didn’t mean he had to be obvious.

It didn’t take long to discover the intruder. When he entered the living room, shield raised, he immediately spotted them standing on the other side of the room, leaning against the wall. 

Steve felt his heart sink and he dropped the shield by just a few inches, unsure if he should trust his eyes, or if he should trust the man now staring at him with a dark, sad look.

“Bucky,” he said, almost breathless.

“Steve,” his friend replied in something that was almost a whisper, giving him a small nod.

Steve had spent the last few weeks jumping headlong into his search for Bucky; he’d been prepared to spend the rest of his life searching, if needed, but... it seemed that Bucky had found him first.

“Do you... remember?” Steve asked hesitantly, the shield dropping a bit more as he took a cautious step towards the man. It didn’t seem like he was here to attack him, and Steve was willing to let his guard down for Bucky--perhaps too willing, but that’s just how it was. Steve had been willing to let Bucky kill him before, and he was alive because of it. It couldn’t do him much harm now.

Bucky’s eyes dropped then and his chest rose and fell with a heavy sigh, breaking anything that might have been considered tension. “Some. Bit and pieces. Not everything, but... enough.”

Steve tossed the shield lightly onto a nearby chair. He wouldn’t need it. Even if Bucky didn’t remember everything, the man standing before him was no longer the Winter Soldier. This was Bucky, his Bucky, his best damn friend in the entire world, who was somehow alive and remembered him and was standing just a few feet away from him in his apartment in D.C. in the year 2014, and looking so damn sad, and Steve couldn’t really stop himself from moving any more than he could stop the way his heart was racing in his chest.

He crossed the room towards his friend and threw his arms around him, pulling Bucky tightly to his chest. At first, he just felt Bucky tense up, and Steve nearly pulled away... but after a minute, one of Bucky’s arms (the one that was still flesh and bone) moved around his back and held him gently.

“Glad to have you back,” Steve said sincerely, not quite able to let go of Bucky yet. He expected a quick and easy ‘glad to be back’ from his friend... but the seconds stretched on and he didn’t get one, and worry tugged at his heart, insisting that the lack of reply might mean that... Bucky wasn’t really back, at least not for good. His brow furrowed as he continued, “Everything’s going to be okay.”

Bucky was silent even then, until a moment later he finally spoke in a dejected voice. “How can it be? I... the things I did... I’m a traitor. A murderer. Even you, Steve, I almost...”

Steve felt his heart sinking into his stomach and he pulled back enough to look Bucky in the eye, cutting him off before he could continue, “That wasn’t you, Bucky. Hydra had you tricked into doing those things. You wouldn’t have done any of it if it wasn’t for that. That’s not the kind of man you are.”

Again, Bucky was quiet for a minute, before he shook his head slowly. “I can barely even remember the kind of man I was. I know more about my past because of a museum exhibit than because of what I actually remember. But I... I do remember the killing. I remember all the men and women I cut down, the lives I stole... Hydra or not, those people are dead because of me.”

A frown curved his lips as he watched the pain struggle across his best friend’s face. Steve knew that pain. Maybe the memory-wiping was new, but... at the heart of it, it was the same pain that came from following any orders that took away lives, whether the orders were senseless or heartless or careless or even absolutely necessary didn’t matter in the long run and didn’t change the pain. It was the same pain that far too many soldiers carried with them when they came home.

But it was the coming home that was the important part. So long as soldiers came home, there was still hope.

Bucky had come home, and Steve wasn’t going to let go of him. It didn’t take much debate to come to that conclusion. 

“I can’t stay,” Bucky continued, immediately contradicting all of Steve’s thoughts, “I... I just wanted to... I needed to apologize. For what I did to you. To everyone. I needed you to know I was sorry.”

“I know you are, Bucky. Even if you don’t have to be,” Steve reassured him. “It doesn’t mean you have to go.”

“They’ll lock me up. Probably execute me.” His eyes didn’t lift, despite Steve willing it, and Bucky said again, “I can’t stay.”

“I wouldn’t let them do that,” Steve replied sternly, his hands lightly gripping Bucky’s shoulders. 

Bucky shook his head. “How could you stop them? People saw me. They know what I did. They’ll want me to burn for it.”

“It wasn’t -you-, Bucky.”

“And maybe you can make yourself believe that, but it doesn’t mean that I do, or that they will,” Bucky replied sharply, finally looking at Steve. “Let me go. It’s for the best, Steve. You try to defend me and they’ll just throw you under the bus with me.”

Bucky tried to pull back, but Steve held on tighter, fingers gripping the flesh and metal shoulders beneath the dark jacket tightly. He couldn’t let Bucky go. He couldn’t watch him walking away knowing he might not see him. He couldn’t do that again.

“Let them try, I don’t care,” Steve said. “I’d rather stand with you and fight than watch you go again.”

Bucky stared at him a moment, a somewhat hopeless look on his face as he shook his head. “All these years and you still haven’t learned how to pick your battles.”

“You know giving up isn’t my style,” Steve replied. He gave Bucky a trying smile, but he could already see what was coming.

Bucky moved quick then, twisting out of Steve’s grasp, shaking him off and trying to get back through the open window, and it would have worked if Steve hadn’t been expecting it. Bucky had barely ducked back by more than a foot when Steve got his hands on the loose jacket and pulled him back, and he felt the desperation and urgency swelling in his chest, and before he could even fully realize what he was doing, his lips were pressed hard to Bucky’s.

All the fight had been knocked out of Bucky more effectively than a punch to the gut, and somehow, after a few seconds, he felt Bucky kissing him back, felt his muscles relaxing, felt Bucky’s hands settling on his waist. They were pressed together like that for a few moments, lips moving softly together, until Steve felt safe that Bucky had given up on the desire to run. He broke the kiss, but only to press his forehead against Bucky’s and take a slow breath, his hand rising to push his fingers through Bucky’s unfamiliarly long hair.

“Don’t go, Bucky, please,” Steve said, and the soft exhale of Bucky’s breath drifted across his lips. “I’ve lost you too many times already. Please don’t make me lose you again.”

He felt Bucky slump in defeat, felt Bucky’s hands sliding gently to the small of his back, holding him a little closer. “After everything I did, how could I ask you to protect me? How could I ask anything of you?”

“You’re not asking me for anything,” Steve replied, his other hand cupping Bucky’s warm cheek. “I’m asking you to let me help. I’m asking you to stay.”

A soft sighed was exhaled against his lips and he felt Bucky settle against him. The agreement was unspoken, but the fight was over; Bucky was going to stay. A wave of relief washed over Steve, letting him press himself against Bucky more easily, holding him gently. There would be work to be done now, but it was all work that Steve was committed to. He was willing to make any effort needed for Bucky, whether that meant fighting to keep everyone off Bucky’s back, or helping Bucky fight his own demons. Steve was there for it..

“That... wasn’t the first time, was it?” Bucky spoke up after a moment. “That we kissed, I mean. That’s happened before.”

Steve smiled softly. “I wasn’t sure you’d remember,” Steve said, then quickly corrected, “Not because of Hydra. Just because you were so drunk.”

Bucky let out a breath of laughter. “I was pretty sauced, wasn’t I? Could barely walk straight. And you found me in town, stumbling back to camp, and... soon as you got me to my tent, I laid one on you.”

“You sure did,” Steve remembered fondly. The hadn’t talked about it after that. They probably would have, if they’d had more time, but two days after that was the train, was Bucky falling to what Steve thought was his death, and suddenly that one unexpected and long-awaited kiss and a lifetime of memories and lost opportunities were all he’d had left.

“I’m sorry I don’t remember much more than that about it,” Bucky said, shaking his head. 

Steve smiled and shook his head. “Don’t stress it. We can start tackling lost memories some other time. For now, let’s just get you settled. You hungry?” Steve didn’t wait for a reply as he began to lead Bucky towards the kitchen. “Let’s get something warm in your stomach.”

Bucky nodded a little, going with Steve. Some home-cooked food sounded good. Sounded great, actually. Sounded even better when barely fifteen minutes ago Bucky thought he’d be back on the street by now. He couldn’t believe his luck.

Neither of them could. Finding each other again after so much time apart and such strange paths shouldn’t have been possible, but... here they were, together again against all odds.

And Steve wasn’t going to let his path stray from Bucky’s ever again, so long as he could help it. And giving up really wasn’t his style.

**Author's Note:**

> this pairing is my new jam i mean damn (i totally did not just watch TWS two nights ago all late and wrong hush)


End file.
